I know I am going through a storm and this too shall pass but I tell you sometimes I think about just giving up but then I remember I have been here before and if God brought me to it, He’ll bring me through it. This week has been trying and I must admit I have managed to smile.
Working with kids who have behavioral issues is tough and for 12 years I have dedicated myself to these kids. I have seen many come and go, some we have helped and some that wasn’t ready but I thank God for the experience.
I feel like I am now neglecting my role as God’s child because I feel I am being pulled away from these kids out of selfishness but I am tired of leaving my kids to support other kids and they seem ungrateful. It’s even worse when you seem to be the only person who want them to have structure because the staff around you look for the easiest way out to avoid having these kids not like them. They buy them and try to up one another and the kids we work with take advantage of it all and then they wonder why things are happening in the manner in which they are happening.
I feel God is telling me my time there is over and I must admit I’m a little sad but I know in my heart I have made some changes in those who wanted my help and I have taken away a great lesson and only God can receive that credit.
My team seemed wonderful and I was thrilled to be a part of the whole thing but things are not always what they seem. I started noticing things that where minor to me but God always sends a sign. It started with them talking about others but being new you never know who these people are until you meet them for yourself. Then I started noticing the kids gaining new stuff but wasn’t going home on passes nor where they going shopping but was always getting things they asked for or claimed they needed. That then opened my eyes to the competition between the staff. They would come to work all dressed up and remind you our clients fight and run, so we never know what the day will be like. If a client says they need something curlers, clothing, and etc they run out and see who can spend the most money and then get mad when the kid flip on them. Then most of them don’t even come, to work but they come to find love on campus among the other staff despite their status when off campus.
Then you have those staff members that should not be working in this environment because they can not adequately do the job. They are unable to follow protocols for those girls that run and for the restraints we perform. It’s hard because our job is so full of families and friends so you always run into those who bully others and things. I have had to step out of character a few times but I am over it now and just want to do the work the Lord has called me to do.
Well I won’t take up a lot of your time but wanted to get my post in