The Perception of Loneliness


As I sit and look over my last few months, I’ve noticed God at work in me. There’s one area that bothers me most and it my prayer life. It’s like they say pray to God and tell him your dreams, then pray big cause our God is huge , but then it’s don’t pray about gain because God knows your heart. Confusion comes
I always talk to God about love. My current situation was never one I envisioned. I always thought I’d be stable and married before kids ever came but sadly it’s not the case.
Recently a guy was brought into my life and I believe things happened for a reason. I thought he was brought in my life by God but I’m starting to wonder. It’s like all signs point to him but one: we’ve never talked.
It’s like all his words where answers to questions I was asking God and the scene played out lovely but yet we’re so far a part. I pray for him and ask God for guidance but I feel lost and I can’t hear God’s words.
Another recent event was a vivid dream after talking to God. It was a beautiful, simple moment where I was running through an abandoned building with the kids laughing and having a great time. They lead me to this beautiful gazebo decorated with candles and rose petals. He stood in the middle of this cute little space and I could our family and friends all seated with my smiles and my best friend off to his side. I remember stopping and saying,”he know I don’t like him,” as I made my way to him. He kneeled before me as he expressed his love and asked me to be his wife. I wrapped my arms around his neck as tears flowed but I forgot to say yes. When the words finally came out, my best friend said thought you didn’t like him and I said I don’t like you either but they all knew my heart.
So as I sit here thinking of my king, it hurts to know he just may not show or the one I’ve been shown may not be him at all.
It sad because I look at this world and dating is not what it once was. What happened to guys asking you out on dates, with no expectations? What happened to getting to know one another before jumping in bed? What happened to courting? What happened to sweet phone calls? What happened to guys knocking on doors, holding doors opened, opening car doors? What happened to wanting to be married or working out problems? What happened to romance and chivalry? Planned dates? Monogamy? Those are things I like! Simple dates like a walk in the park or a picnic. Guys today run from that and those are things I love the most. Guess I’m old fashion and I may be the last of a dying breed.


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