I am blessed to be the woman I am but I have my faults. I am a black woman who has been blind to the things around me or better yet I have been silent but silence comes at a price. I was paying a price that seemed to great for myself and I had to learn to speak out about who I was and stand up for the things I believed in because they affected me more than I knew.
Growing up an American woman, I always felt entitled to be here because this was my birth place. I had to learn from experience of watching so much happen to people of my race. I started sounding like Corporate America thinking they had done something wrong and no one would just go around killing people of color. I had to open my eyes and see the injustice done to those different from what society appeared to be.
You see from birth I wore a title and many had already placed me in a category that I had no clue about. Lately those titles have been branded into my back and placed across my forehead because I have taken a stand. The stereotypes placed on black women have now being deemed as characteristics of who I am. So I’ll elaborate on a few things for you to understand my view.
Black women are angry: Chances are you’d see me and I am standing off to myself and not saying much to anyone but it does not make me angry. You see me smile and assume I am being fake but I genuinely smile all the time and I speak to everyone. You say I have a mug on all the time but has anyone taken the time to speak. I met a woman at my job who I had to work overnight with and she told me when she first met me she thought I was arrogant and didn’t want to deal with me. After meeting me and actually talking to me she realized that I was a strong woman, easy to talk to and very opinionated about matters of my heart. She even went as far as to say now she understood why I did not carry on basic conversations with people and kept to myself because my years had outgrown mess. So your assumption of me may not always be right but some black women are thinking of more than basic interactions with messy people. My hands are filled with every day life and being a single mom is not easy but don’t place your labels on me until you have had a conversation with me because I can guarantee you that I’ll amaze you every time.
Some say we emasculate men: Black women today have come a long way and in today’s generation men are no longer stepping up to the plate to be men, to be head of household, to love us as God has loved the church or to take care of their children. Many sistas are now more educated and financially stable so they don’t have to depend on men as much nowadays but men you have to be men in order to be masculine. It’s not all about muscles, brain and looks. Now women, myself included, want more from our men and nothing that he doesn’t already have but something he no longer sees. We are looking for the husband who is willing to love us and willing to be in a monogamous relationship and willing to put his boyish ways behind him. Now there are os many men willing to entertain side chicks and other men versus talking to their women and being honest about things going in their life. If you are a man, there is no way a woman can take your masculinity away from you because you are the portrait she has been looking for. A woman would love a break but it takes a man to offer her one.
Most black woman are not fit: This kills me because what is your idea of fit? We have many black women in shape but your version may be different because we don’t look like the women in magazines but we were not designed to look like these people. Remember we are think sisters with hips and our sizes vary but nothing says unhealthy. We like to exercise and even have turned out great women because of this. I myself run with and after kids daily. I take care of myself and my body but I am not a size 1-9 and I have curves so please be aware that I see more men that fit this category than women these days.
We are not sexual people: This one made me life after hearing it and this is why. You see so many videos of black women twerking and shaking their behinds for likes and so many proudly saying they are girlfriends to married men. You even see so many now showing all their body on pictures just for likes and you say this. I am a woman and some things matter most to me and showing off what God has given me is not one of them. I believe my sexual endeavors should be held in the privacy of my own bedroom with the man I am with. It is not something to put on public display and allow the world to view the very vision that only he should see or taste. My flavor is not for everyone to experience and some things should be kept private.
Our standards are too high: True I see myself as a Queen and I do a lot of things on my own. No I am not complaining but any man who comes into my life should see his self as a King and act accordingly. I will not lower my standards to live with a peasant who won’t make any attempts to find a job, I will not be with a performer who gets his high from the laughter of others (not talking about comedians) and I will not follicle with a prince who simple another by trying to be a man. I have my own princes to raise and will not raise another grown one. So yes, I want a man of a certain caliber and he must not only walk the walk but he must live the life. He does not need to be rich but he must stand firm.
We all have daddy issues: You know this one touched my soul because I have heard this one the most. First my father was said to be a great man and may his soul rest in the Lord’s care. It’s true nowadays that most black homes lack fathers but it does not men I grew up without a father figure around. My uncles and others have contributed to my upbringing and although my father was not in the home I had the best one God. So how many of you grew up with your fathers in the home and he showed you a positive image of how to love a black woman?
You’re smart for a black woman: This is an insult because there are a lot of black women who are smart, read and can hold an intelligent conversation with social elite. It’s just the class of people you hang around. Although it has been said that many black women don’t read I find it redundant because it depends on the woman you are talking to.
I’m an avid reader of books from science to romance and nothing is foreign to me. The fact that black women are still placed in categories that don’t include all is nothing more than society trying to fix us in a box.
I got past those labels and watched my skin start to heal after re-branding myself and making my voice known. Then I noticed another darkness plaguing my people and it was the lack of equal pay and I was again hit with another label. Yes, even in today’s world there is still a gap in pay for men and women in the same job. A man still gets paid more and those of color are still seeing the lowest portion. This is why I love seeing people of color becoming entrepreneurs and making their names known across the world and not accepting the word no, for a change. It is not on beneficial to them but the generation that follows. To know that you do not have to live in the shadow of others helping build multi-billion dollar corporations and not being appreciated for her helping hand. So I branched out.
So yes I was blind to a lot and afraid of my own voice but nothing can stop me from pushing forward in my life. I know God has a blessing with my name on it and I will be acknowledged for my actions in this world. I am a black woman who loves her skin and people and I will make it despite the labels attached to me. There is so much I would like to share but who’s really listening. I hope one day my boys will understand that they are not just black men but Kings and they will know their names and that they were born to be in the light of life. I hope they never allow fear to hinder their growth but they will be fearless because the Lord is their protector.