Hello followers and friends:
Omg God has really been taking me into deeper waters and I can’t swim but have faith in my lifeguard, however, I am so stagnant right now and I know I need help.
My job: I know that I am placed in this facility for reasons but sometimes it gets the best of me and I need to scream. God has graciously walked me through the doors daily and has given me the strength I need to get through every passing day. My voice and concerns are being heard and the right people are stepping forth to help me bring about changes that would benefit the kids I work with, so I am extremely anxious to see what happens. So far two of my boys have discharged and one I know for sure is living life with a better outlook. The other I am not so sure of but as they say we can’t save them all and I didn’t get much time with him before his release. I have three more leaving soon and I know one will make changes in his life that would bring forth great blessings in his favor. So I am super excited about his journey. One I have to pray over daily because he was dealt a full deck that for a child is a heavy burden but I talk to him often about God and how he can bring him through. I have seen great changes in him from the child I first met. It sends chills down my spine to know God is taking my life in greater directions and not only do I have the opportunity to help other children but also my biological boys because seeing all the things my children at work have to cope with makes me spend even more time with my own kids to make sure they know how much I love them. It’s still a hill I am climbing but this hill is worth the tread to the top and if God is always with me, then I know I will make it to the top.
My book: I know God is in the sky shaking his head at me because I have written out the first two chapters and seem to be lost. I haven’t wrote in months and this is the book God has told me to get written but I am such a procrastinator at this moment. I know that my book would help a lot of people who have found themselves in my shoes. Now where my issue comes in at is I am lost in the direction I should take but I know I need to sit down and have a moment with God to ask for clarity and direction but sometimes simple distractions keep me from moving forward. It kills me to know the few things he has asked me to do haven’t been completed and I feel like such a ungrateful child. God knows my heart and I keep telling myself this but it seems to be just an excuse because God doesn’t ask us to do much. My book has taken it’s toll on me because I keep thinking about the contents and how naked I would be once finished. It’s crazy because my life is already out in the open for the world to see, so what is really holding me back from finishing it. I am so blocked right now with running, what ifs, that invade my mind. So I have to start setting some deadlines down and getting myself motivated. Also the financial aspect of it is another factor, although I have a friend who would edit for me at a low cost and she has several books out at this time but I get so nervous about doing things on his time versus my time and I feel like I am jumping the gun.
My love life: Well that has really taken a leap and the one guy who inspires me has stepped up his role in my life and it’s crazy because I pray for marriage and things and I am super excited about that as well but I am not blind to the truth either. So I am talking to God about that as well because it seems to be so real but I also have to take into account that I am getting to know him all over. It’s hurts because I have to do it from two different locations for a few months. Everything seems to be falling into place but I have to take everything to God because my heart belongs to him and without his approval our marriage would not last nor our relationship. So I am going to God with a full plate but he says come unto him. Everyone knows how important marriage is to me and how much I value having to say vows to my soulmate so I have to make sure that God has placed him in my life for real this time or if this is another distraction to get me off course with my Father.
Mentoring & Pubic Speaking: Now this is something God asked me to do as well and although I haven’t started doing it full time I have started. People have been sharing their lives with me and asking for my guidance into being better people. I always discuss how God has saved me and how my life has been transformed before my eyes. I am loving the skin I am in, the roots placed before me and taking a step to be counted for by speaking up for the things that matter to me. It’s eludes me how he has brought me through and is still working on me even though I am unworthy. Everything is a blessing because it has built me to be the woman I am today. IT has also given me the lessons I need to fulfill God’s purpose in my life and the life of those around me.
God is my best friend, my King, Savior, Protector and Guide, I know that with him everything would work out. I just need help to get over my procrastination to do his will in my life and not my own. This has been a very well planned out test and my instructor is all knowing. I am blessed because while I tread this water my lifeguard has walked on it.