Today’s writing brings me sadness but I am also joyful and this is why. I am a parent of four wonderful boys and although I am a single parent I love being a mom. It brings me great joy to come home to my children and enjoy their company. Some days are a challenge because of their little personalities but I am blessed to be their mom and I welcome every challenged faced. They did not ask me to bring them into this world so therefore they shouldn’t have to carry the burden of my decisions on their shoulders. I say this to put this blog into perspective.
I work with children between the ages of 13 to 17 with some type of mental disorder who have been sent to my facility by a judge or parent. Some of my kids have no family and some have very few but a few come from strong family ties. It saddens me to hear a child say their family does not care about them. I came across one of my kids and was heart-broken to hear his story and it broke every fiber in me not to grab him and hug him like a parent would. I wanted to say everything would be alright and I am here to protect you but knowing my job I have to extract my maternal emotions out of the situation. So I’ll vent here.
I work with male and female clients and I hear stories that make me cringe and some that make me hold my kids a little longer. People when we make the conscious decisions to lay on our backs and engage in premarital sex, we are making a conscious decision to accept the consequences of our actions. We are all adults and should know this and share this with our children when age appropriate to give them the knowledge of the consequences. If we can not fathom being parents then we should take the time to use some form of birth control.
I have children in my care who simple actions of not attending school, fighting their parents have landed them in a facility away from home. Some parents have simple walked through the door and said their actions makes me no longer care for them and sign them over to the State. Yes, I previously stated that many of these kids have mental disorders but I honestly believe we all do in some form or fashion but we simple haven’t been diagnosed. I myself maybe a little bipolar, OCD, and aggressive at times but because my issue has not been diagnosed no one cares. However, they are in my care for things such as aggression toward family and peers but no one mentions the hidden factor behind most of it. I call them my children because I am the one caring for them now and simple because I did not give birth to them does not mean I do not care. Some of my kids have been adopted, left, placed in CPS custody, foster homes or simple left with other family members.
I know some of my kids have severe aggression at times and it takes a lot to calm them down but I honestly love my job. It’s hard and sometimes I have to take a moment to myself to pray for them, as well as, myself. I have been with my new job a little of two months but it’s not the first time I have worked in this type of environment. The other a few of my boys got into an altercation and I had to take action. During a fight, my job was to safely restrain them and to keep them a part to prevent any harm to themselves or others. Well during the fight I was injured ( a few scratches) but I couldn’t think of myself at the time, only my kids so I finally got the situation under control and took care of myself. Well later the kid I restrained was upset and crying and I was asking questions to understand what he was feeling. He didn’t feel like talking so I left him alone, to allow him his time to cope with everything that had transpired. Well I went to work today and he came and gave me a side hug and he told me he was sorry for the injured he had inflicted on me. I assured him I was okay and that the scratches were already healing.
I saw the look in his eyes as he talked to me and I knew he was truly sorry. I went on about my day and was thinking of things. I had read his chart a million times and he’s a very young child, one of my youngest and I knew he had suffered a lot at his parents hands. He had been shipped like mail at a post office. He knew none of his family but his mom and dad and it hurt for him to tell me neither one visits, calls or send mail. He was there because he fought and ran away. He had some disorder attached to him but he was only a child. You see when I see kids like him I wonder how could a parent walk away from a child that never asked to be here. To know he has never heard the words “I love you” or been held by someone who cares. It hurts to see them cling to staff for comfort a parent should be giving them. To hear them tell staff how they wish to be a part of a family. To listen to them tell stories of their parents duck taping their hands and feet to tables and chairs because they wouldn’t stop talking or so they could leave them house.
I’m a mom who would do anything for my kids. I come home to little stories about schools or little imaginations running wild. I listen to my oldest son talk about girls or his friends. I get excited to hear them tell me of their dreams and thoughts, so I can’t understand how someone could be so heartless. Some days I cry because I feel like I am inadequate as a parent and then I go to work and hear my children tell me about their families. I hear stories of parents selling them to drug dealers for drugs and allowing these disgusting men have their way with their sons or daughters. I try everything in my power to protect my kids from the things I have endured like rap and molestation, and these parents put their kids through those very things.
As I write this I am in tears because God did not bring forth this life to be destroyed at the hands of those he wanted to protect them. I hear stories of mom allowing the new man in her life to feed her child drugs to see if it was potent. Stories of mothers and fathers making their children run drugs for them. Young men having to be the man of the house because dad was too lazy to do so. Children fighting their parents to keep them off of them or their other parent or siblings. People we have to wake up because these are our leaders, this is the generation that will soon run this country. We as parents have to start teaching our kids now. My job limits me to the teachings I can give these children but I have the ability to show that someone cares if no one else does.
I have been called a bitch, whore, dog, ugly, mean and hateful because I make them follow rules and guidelines. Although I haven’t been there long I have seen my children change. When I first started I saw some of the baddest kids and heard the most foulest language I had ever heard come out of a child’s mouth and I wanted to scream. I pray every day before I enter the gates and sometimes in between my shift but I give those kids me. My kids now know they can not cuss me and then demand I give them something. They know they must address me as Mrs. and then ASK for what they need. Sure I still get cussed by some and when they mad I may become a lot of names but at the end of the day they know I do not play about them being children and I am an adult. I do not argue with them because they are children but I make sure to give them choices and consequences to their behaviors.
I willingly will go out of my way to keep them children. When I first started I grabbed a simple ball and offered to play kick ball with them and it made their day. Saddest thing was having to explain a simple game of kick ball but they enjoyed it. It brought joy to my heart to see them all playing instead of arguing and fighting. They got to see staff laughing and they laughed and we all got dirty. For that hour I saw nothing but a yard full of kids being kids and for that hour no one thought of any of their troubles. I play board games, card games and many outdoor sports allowed at my facility. My kids tell me how they enjoy themselves and ow I make them matter.
You see when God bless us to have children whether by birth or adoption he gives us little angels to nurture, care for and guide. I know some people are not cut out to be parents but man has given us many substitutions to prevent pregnancies for both men and women. Most of my kids needs love, a sense of purpose and discipline. That’s all they even ask for besides their basic needs. We as adults know the consequences of our sexual pleasures and we have to take responsibility for our actions. No child should wonder if they are loved by their parents. If you can not be a parent, adopt to someone who is willing and able to give that child the life you can’t provide. There is so many couples in this world who would love that opportunity. The reasons behind my children been separated from their families to me is ludicrous because most of them needed simple discipline to get them corrected and love to get them motivated but when you leave a child who understands you break everything in them. Now they wonder why and what they did but the truth is this is a part of being a parent and handle your responsibilities. When I see them being children I realize the error was not in them but the parents who made them.
My job is a challenge but I am so thankful for the role God has given me. If I can see one child make it out and be successful then it’s a blessing. If I can make one child forget that his/her parents beat them for being a child then it’s a blessing. If for one moment they can enjoy the simple things in life and smile then I know God is healing them. I thought having to work with kids again would be devastating but this time God has opened my eyes to the things I was once blind to. I come home every day to four handsome boys but I leave behind 80 mix of boys and girls at work. My heart has grown to include each one of them. I encourage them, congratulate them, motivate them and talk to them as if they were my own. I can’t give them that motherly side emotions but I can give them that pep talk to conquer this world. To show them the other side of hatred through my work with them is a blessing to not only them but myself. I know God has placed me hear with a purpose and a plan. I pray He continues to use me in any way while in their presence because my kids face challenges that no child should have to face but I make sure they don’t face it alone. If I can show them a different way of living and teach them about God then I will willingly lean myself to the Lord to guide them to success.
My kids live in a house with others, they have food, shelter, and their necessities but they also have people there who honestly cares. Yes, we have some just there for a check but then you have those who show them what their parents couldn’t. I just wish people would think of their actions before making a child they don’t want or have time for. These kids are at ages where the life they see becomes the life they lead. some possess great talents but they can’t recognize them because of the darkness they’ve had to live through. It’s hard to see a thirteen year old child who can’t hold a bat right to play a game of baseball or see them cling to one person because they have never had someone who cared stick around. IT’s hurtful so people please be responsible or seek contraceptive.
I know I love my boys but my job makes me love them a lot more. It makes me aware of my job and role in their lives. I come home sometimes and just tell them how much I love them. I do more things with them and listen a lot longer. My birth kids mean the world to me so to see my other kids lack of family bonds break me down even more. I scream to God thank you for putting me in this place because I have the most amazing opportunity to turn these kids lives around by simply caring enough to give them the rules, talks and encourage to do something different in life than what they have been introduced too.