Refocusing on Him


Well I’m back fellow readers and I have a lot to tell you. First let’s give the Lord the praises he need and thank him for another day not promised to us. So let’s break everything down and your feedback is always welcomed.

My life: Well I haven’t been praying as much as I should and I can only blame myself. With this new job I am just coming out of training and it has been crazy and it seems like I lose time. During my down time at work I am unable to read or discuss the Lord because they are afraid we might offend someone. So they give you these short breaks and make sure you have time for nothing else so I just have to sit and look at my screen and things. I should be doing it when I get home but I usually just eat and sleep once I have helped the boys with their homework and things. I know God is with me and evident in all I do but I feel like I am not giving him the time we need to be the person he has chosen for me to be. I feel like I am letting him down and how great he has been to me. Things have just been going, the devil comes and I have dipped but it made me feel so sick so I am without it for good but I do feel like I am missing out on something but not quite sure what it is.

My family: My son is loving work and my 9 and 5 yr old is enjoying school and the baby likes being to his self. My 5yr old busted his eye at school and I am a worried that they may have to change schools again because the superintendent has put a request to no longer send work home and they already do not use books at school. So I am considering moving them to my son’s Alma Mater.¬† I do feel like things are getting out of hand at this school district and things. My mom and sister fell out and got into a heated argument and my son and I had to break it up but my mom called the next day to apologize and things. I must admit it was a little different to see my mom arguing with my sister and things but as usual that don’t last long but I didn’t really want it too. My niece has been living with us and that is irritating because I do understand that she needs to get on her feet but I do feel she is not trying hard enough and she is lazy. I do not like cleaning behind grown people and extra kids and things. Her and her kids also eat a lot and she don’t like to buy groceries

We all had to be ranked according to our grades, assessment scores and participation and I was at the lowest so I spoke with our supervisor and had them to correct the problem because I had no absences, participating and passed all assessments. That put me at number 6 versus number 16 and a lot of people got upset about it because they were pushed to the bottom due to missing days and etc. So they were upset about their schedules and things. A lot of people got fired for crazy things and I saw supervisors attack trainees for no reason, they have shown me how selfish and petty they are as human beings. I have seen the top people in our class lose it from callers cussing them out and being mean. I too was ready to walk away from this job and all because of the frustration and lack of training we had before attempting to help these people with the medical benefits.

My fellow people pray for me I need guidance because I feel so lost. My work schedule makes me feel so i out of my comfort level and I feel like I am failing God. I feel like such a failure and like no matter what I do or how my heart is dedicated to him, I keep letting him down. I know he’s there and I know God is for me so why do I keep hitting this brick wall. How can I keep letting the one who means the most to me down. My heart is still Gods but I feel I am not at my best and I am afraid.

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