Lately, I’ve been feeling as if I am not where I am suppose to be. Matter of fact I know I am not! The Lord has given me life but I am stuck in a place unfamiliar to myself. I am at my lowest point in life but I am not complaining. It is here that I found the pure joy of loving God and although he knew I was weak he gave me the things I needed to trust his direction in my life. It cuts me to the core to know I am at my most vulnerable and people could hurt me and not care. This is when I must trust God to protect me because I am purely at this state because I want to be the daughter he has called me to be. In my quest to be more like him and less of myself I had to peel away at the layers of anger that had once caused the tears that formed in my eyes. Well now they were the covering that was shielding my heart from the fact that the world we live in was destructive.
The desires in my heart is to tell the world about the Lord I love and serve but I feel limited on how to begin. I often think of traveling to places unknown spreading the message of the Lord that enters into my heart. I want to climb the highest mountains and just scream how glorious he is and the darkness he took me out of. I try to tell those who are close but no one wants to hear about the mystical God I love so dear. I see so many taking him out of our schools but allow him in our prisons. Is the message here that he should only be called upon during our darkest times but not during stages where the imprint of his love can last forever?
I feel lost right now but I know it is just the lasting effects of being in this trial for so long. I know that there is a purpose for it and God will continue to provide me with the strength and endurance to continue through this trial. I know that I will come out a better person and the changes I am noticing now is only a start for what I am about to receive. Lord, I need strength!