I Miss Them


Oh how I wish heaven had a phone or visiting hours just so I could see your face or talk to you just once more. I want to be selfish and wish you back in this world but I know God was lonely without you home. Aunt Linnie, Aunt Lessie, Grandpa and cousin Mary how I wish I could have one more minute with you all.

Today is an emotional one as I continue through the trials because I have no one here on Earth that I can share my feelings with. It seems when you all went home so did a part of me. I know the Lord is with me and he will protect me but sometimes I just wish for someone to hug me and say things would be ok. The tears won’t stop and each one of you have been gone for years but the tears don’t know how to let go. It hurts knowing I can’t pick up a phone, run down a street or send a message to you but I still in some ways need you.

My heart still beats as it is supposed to but some days I know it skips from missing you. I love you all so very much and to me you were my life lines. The one person I could call on when life seemed so wrong. Aunt Linnie, you are my angel always ready and willing to comfort me. You were my joy during rainy days and my smile on a scary night. No matter what life through my way you were always there to say things would be alright. I know it’s selfish to wish you were here but I miss you so much. You were my get away and voice of reason. You always knew just what to say to stop these tears from falling. Auntie I know you’re home but I miss you so because now it seems I have no one. I know you’re in heaven shaking your head and saying you’ll always have the Lord, and I know I do but I’m just missing you.

Aunt Lessie, I know you where not happy with me and some of my choices but you’re seeing the changes I’m making. You’re probably smiling that for every mistake I’ve learned a lesson and finally working on the relationship I need with Christ. Auntie I miss you so! You were my protection and I know if you were here some things would be different. We may not liked what you always said but you always spoke the truth.

Grandpa I love you and I thank you for the smile and laughter you filled my days with. I remember the fussing and fights we had but you had to see things my way, I was the oldest.(lol) Grandpa you were the father I always wanted and I got through you. You were my light at the end of the tunnel and now you’re gone. Grandpa I finally got some people I could beat at thump, (lol) my kids!

Mary, my cousin, sister and best friend I love you! Not a day goes by that you don’t cross my mind. I watch the kids on social media grow up but not in person. I miss you and I hate things happened the way they did. I didn’t get to say bye but you know that was not my choice but I know you knew why. You were my favorite cousin and when God called you home it killed me physically because I was sure you would survive. You were my best friend and I knew the first run with cancer would be the last but you didn’t have time to heal before it came back. Mary, I miss you so much! I wish I could pick up the phone and hear your voice saying,”Hey wee wee.” I hated that name but it was you who came to see me when I first left home and it was you who was there when I returned. No matter how much you got in trouble you would make sure I saw you or heard from you. We were the odd balls, proper English, always wanting to make a difference and have a better life then what we grew up watching in our family. I still hold on to all the emails I got after your passing and I know it was your way of getting messages to me and telling me bye. I miss your smile and hearing your voice, no one had your sound. I love you and you beat cancer as a beautiful, bald, chocolate queen.

God I know you took them home because it was their time but I miss them greatly. When you took them it felt like you were stripping me of everyone who cared for me. I know that they needed to rest and each had something they were coping with here on Earth but I wish I could hug them once again or call to say I love you. God, I know you’re my everything and it took some time for me to trust you but I loved them just the same. So as I end this passage I ask that you give me the strength I  need to accept what I cannot change. They say with time death gets easier but it doesn’t. I miss them all so very much and I know they’re just a voice call away but the presence was what I needed, just a hug, or to see a smile once more.

Lord, thanks for allowing them to travel home and I look forward to seeing them all again. I know I have a lot of family there from both my mom and dad’s side but I even more excited to see you. Lord, please tell them I love them and I will do the same but just in case they are sleeping or away enjoying their lives I’m asking you to pass the word. I know this place we call Earth is temporary and we will all leave it one day but while I am still here I am missing them.

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