As I sit here thinking of what to write a message comes to mind. The trial I am currently facing. I am without an income right now because of surgery and the job I have didn’t allow me to use medical insurance I paid for during the time I was previously out with this injury and now I’m out again after needing surgery to correct the problem. So right now everything is past due rent, water, gas, telephone, cable and I have already lost my car. I do not know how we will eat but God has been providing and I am thankful. I am the mother of four boys but I am not down or wondering of my next move.
I don’t know what will happen but I am leaning on God for his help and guidance.
Luk 12:29-31 And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind. For all these things do the nations of the world seek after: and your Father knoweth that ye have need of these things. But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you.
I have always loved the Lord and I know that Jesus Christ died for our sins and rose from the dead and I still believe in his life. I lost my way a while back from all I was dealing with in my life. I felt I had hit a wall and God had given up on me. I found myself in a wilderness that no one was going to be able to get me out of. I needed God but we all know the voices inside of our heads. They actually have names: id, ego, and super ego!
Well as I decide this time to truly give God control of my life I must say that this time is completely different because I’m invested in my Lord and Savior. I want him to be pleased by my actions, words and desires. As I grow into this relationship more and more everyday my id, ego and super ego gets to work leaving me with three people in my head at all times. I start to feel I need to be in an asylum somewhere.
My id, the part of our personality present from birth that needs right now fulfillment. It is the part of our personality that needs immediate gratification. So as I go through my transformation this is the voice in my head screaming that I need to focus on the things that I am going through right now. Bills due, kids need, need a car, need food. So questions arrive: What will you do?; Where is your God?; and What are you waiting for. Also doubt and shame starts to settle in because it has you feeling like a failure to your kids. You feel shame, alone, hurt, selfish, confused and more.
This is when I have to pray harder and keep my mind straight. My first few weeks was hard because I had to pray often and had to reassure myself that God will see me through. They came and got my car and I was okay with that. Although the common problems aroused when I had to rely on others but I know that God will provide for me. Anything he takes now only means it wasn’t meant for me. I am thankful he decided to do it during the summer because my schedule would have been hectic if it was during school. I was able to still get my surgery even after being hours late because God had already made plans for me to have this surgery and that was in his will for me. That went great and he brought me through with just a few scares. Thank you Jesus!
Then my ego gets involved and now it’s a war starting in my head because it tells me to wait on God but we can do this while we wait. However, the Lord says he will provide my needs and I just need to have faith and trust in him even when I don’t understand. So I pray and ask God to increase my faith and give me the strength to endure the trials I must face as I get my life right and while I am repairing the broken relationship I have with him. I know that I to go through something to build my faith in him, so I make it another day because he has made a way for me. During this time I relying on others and they just not coming through. The same people I helped when I had and when I didn’t are now not coming through for me. Both friends and family have now turned their backs on me because I am down and they are up but I remember these words.
1) He will never put more on us than we can bear!
2) Some people are not meant to go with you, where the Lord is about to take you.
I know the Lord is only cleansing me of the people I don’t need in my life because their season in my life is over. I was always told when you give your life to Christ you’ll start to lose people because they never wanted to see you doing good. Well I am choosing to give my life to Christ and if it means I must lose some people while on this journey then I ask the Lord to continue to bless them. I’m learning that some ties must be broken in order for me to go in the Lord. So I’m praying my way through every issue as it arrives knowing everything happens for a reason and it’s in God’s plan for my life.
Then comes my Super-ego saying get right because God has heard our cry and he is coming through. We have faith in his work and his word. Settle your nerves and pick up that Bible and let’s read. God will make a way out of no way and he will because he promised he will.
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
So as I stand in need this day my heart is not worried but I am keeping the faith because I know my God will provide and everything I lose during this time my God will provide more. I know that nothing here is permanent but God is forever. I will shed tears of joy knowing God will provide for me and my family all that we need. God is awesome! I am his daughter and his words make me feel so much better. I am his daughter and as long as I believe in my father I know he will fulfill every promise that he has made in my favor. All I ask is that every thing I do I do it with love in my heart, and that I answer to his calling fulfilling my purpose according to his will for my life.
So yes, I am on the brink of losing everything but I am on my way to gaining my life back through Christ to be a better Christian, a daughter of Christ, a mother, a person, a friend and one day a wife. One day I will no longer need to beg, borrow or steal according to his word. I am loving the life and skin I am because God made me in his image but now I am blessed to be in his favor and to share with the world my testimonies. God is good and I am covered by the Blood of Christ. I will prevail because God said so so despite all I am going through that the devil thought would break me has only made stronger and increased my faith in my Lord.
My brothers and sisters in Christ I know you may be going through some tunnels in life right now but I tell you of the Mighty God we serve. I ask you to wait and pray and believe that God will make a way. Just have faith knowing he loved you so much that he sent his only begotten son to die for your sins and he still loves you. I tell you to scream and shout if you must be he is there with you every step of the way and he will bring you out better than you went in. Just trust in Him!
My blog I share is about life, love but mainly God. I only wish to help others and answer to the calling on my life. My stories are true and real! They are mine to tell and if one story of my life will help another trust in God or build a relationship with him then my work is bringing him joy! No the id, ego and superego is not separate entities but they are a part of our personality and sometimes they scream the things we go over in our mind. I love you but God loves you more!