Hello, I know someone out there is going through something they may not understand right now and maybe, just maybe I can be of help. You may be facing circumstances that has you feeling like the weight of the world is on your shoulders and there seems to be no way out. I’m here to tell you to lift your head up because you have a God that is ready, able and willing to help you out of any situation. All he asks is that you trust in him. Prayer does work but you must pray!
I’ve been on this Earth 32 wonderful years but I’ve had my share of trials and it was only my love for God that brought me out of these trials stronger and better than ever. No, I didn’t feel this way before because my faith was trickling like water from a faucet but I loved God. I had just endured so much over time I started to question all he was doing in my life. I survived people because I had to endure to find out how much Christ truly loved me. I went through things because of the lack of faith and I had to relearn how to trust in the one who created me. When I submitted myself back to God he was there ready to embrace me and he will do it for you.
I have lived-through so much and today I don’t mind sharing if it will help another grow from their circumstances. I grew up in a home that lacked love because of favoritism and I wasn’t the favor. I experienced molestation from family members and outsiders. I was even raped and gave birth to his child. That was not the end, because abuse from boyfriends happened, I started to question my sexuality. I’ve faced homelessness, been cast out by family and friends, had an aunt who was emotionally abusive. I have even faced job loss, repossessions, and had others mistreat me so badly. So just from reading some of this you can see that I had sustained quite an ordeal during my time here on Earth. At one point I thought this was my fate and begin feeling down about myself.
I turned back to God and now we’re here with me doing his work. No it’s not perfect but as time goes on I know God will help progress every day because he promised he would.
I grew up with a brother and a sister in a single parent household. My mom did the best she could with what she had but she forgot to protect me, the baby. I wasn’t a bad child but I spent many days alone. Instead of trying to lash out I grew up. I spent most of my time reading because it comforted me. I could read a book and travel to places where I was safe and loved. I loved music and for the most part I got good grades. I didn’t get in much trouble except for my mouth and lack of school. I broke bones a lot( the tom-boy in me) but I didn’t fail because I was very smart. I didn’t have a curfew and had no rules to follow but I had ground rules for myself.
My mom bought me things to satisfy me but it was her love I yearned for the most. I wanted the relationship her and my siblings had. Growing up I watched her defend everything about them or actions taken against them that seemed unjustified, but I didn’t get the same attention. I remember being molested by my uncle, three cousins, brother-in-law and one of his relatives. It wasn’t a secret in my home because I never had a relationship with my mom were I had to hide anything from her. I’ll never forget hearing the words, “what happen in our home is not for the outside,” so it turned into a regular thing. I remember times when she had to work and I had to stay at these homes and I would cry and ask to stay alone in our home but she never allowed me too. This went on for years, I would have to call neighbors to get these people from our home while she was at work just to be protected. So I started relying on neighbors a lot. My mom would say lock the doors and etc but it never kept the taunting away or them.
I know some may say where was my father, well that was a story by itself. My father lost his life when I was two. He was murdered by people he called his friends but jealousy can turn people against you in more ways than one. I knew of his death but didn’t know much about the ones who took his life until they asked me for forgiveness later on in life when they were ready to go to our final resting home.
During the whole issue of my molestation I was raped by a classmate and still I found myself alone. After hearing of my attack I lost many friends and even some family because he was a popular boy and I was a loner most of my high school years. I was raped freshman year and gave birth nine months later to my son. My mom took my sister’s and her husband side and said I wasn’t raped and was afraid to tell my mom I had, had sex but of course these would be their words her husband was one of my molesters. It wasn’t until I was sixteen that the molestation stopped I learned to fight back and attempted to take the life of my brother-in-law a couple of times. By sixteen the others had stopped because I was able to stay where I wanted to at the time and didn’t have to allow myself to be in their presence. My mom embraced the guy who raped me while I was coping with it all. All of the this lead to me trying to commit suicide, by taking pills. I woke up in a hospital bed with Jesus by my side. (true story) My mom wasn’t there because she said only white people did that. So I went through that alone but God brought me out better.
Finally I was nineteen and ready to explore the world and be a great mom to my son. I moved from home out of State. I felt I needed to be away from everyone to get myself together. I moved to Florida where I met my father’s other children and they embraced me with open arms but things weren’t perfect. My sister-in-law watched my son while I worked and that wasn’t a great choice because when he wouldn’t mind she would pinch him when I wasn’t around. I quickly got him into a school program because I didn’t want him to go through the things I had already endured in my life. Needless to say they grew money hungry and I was not making enough to fulfill their taste buds. I learned my brother had a drug addictions. I learned this when the guys he owed came to his home with the intent to destroy it. It was by God’s grace that he said he decided to knock first to see if he was home. It happened to be a friend I met and he decided to give my brother one last chance or me and the kids time to get out. I immediately sent my son back to Texas while I got on my feet.
It was then that I found myself homeless. I slept in my car because my sister didn’t want my son in her home, not because he was bad but because she didn’t have space for him and she didn’t want him there. My car provided me with shelter and because of the work I performed at my job I was able to get uniforms for free because they had given me enough certificates from incentives of my hard work. I knew God and was getting more in-depth in our relationship. God sent me back home to Texas because I had not prepared for a trip away from my son.
I went through abusive relationships but I made it out because God loved me enough to die for me. I didn’t have to allow a man to fight me, degrade me or subject me to this type of abuse that even God wasn’t allowing. He brought me out but I still had a long way to go. I was learning from my Father.
Honor they mother and father
Despite all the things I had been forced to endure under my mother’s care. I ended up taking care of my mother. When I returned my son was being mistreated by my brother because I was unable to send money home for him during the three months he was back. My sister had stopped paying on a home she had decided to purchase for our mother. So my brother didn’t want my son and upon my return we had nowhere to go but God made a way. The owner of our home decided to allow me to take over payments and we moved back home. I was with my son and I was doing good. I was back in church and focused.
You can find many stories I have shared throughout my blog but these are a few. I finally got to a point where I knew I needed God. I picked up my Bible and started reading and I found myself inside the covers of his book. Did you know God talks about rape Deuteronomy 22:25-28;2 Samuel 13:12-14 just to name a few. I tell you that God was prepared for anything we may endure in this life. You just have to read and pray. Isn’t it amazing to know that God already knew the trials we would face before they even happened.
I don’t have the relationship I want with my mom but I pray for her and I still do for her. I do it in honor of God with a loving heart. Me and my siblings are not close but I pray for them. I am celibate right now but I know God has a mate for me and I won’t have to subject myself to the ways of this world for him to love me. Parents betrayed their children in the Bible but God saw them through. I know God will do the same for each of you. Just have faith in all God is and does.
Today, I am still going through things but I have faith that God will see me through. There’s a breakthrough coming. I don’t have all the answers but my God does. I am not a counselor but I have been through a tremendous amount of heartache and heartbreak. I am here to help anyone that crosses my path and would like the help, even it’s just a prayer. I love you but God loves you more! Continue to be blessed and I look forward to seeing your beautiful and handsome stories unfold. Find Christ in your heart and watch your blessings unfold.