Seventeen years ago I never would have thought this would be my life. The plans I had for myself did not include kids. My plans were to finish high school, attend UCLA and major in law. I wanted to help those less fortunate with legal transactions. I wanted to be a lawyer for the people and represent them even if they couldn’t afford legal fees. I knew I wanted to be married but I wasn’t planning for children to be in my life at any time before my plans were fulfilled. I had my own life planned out but they say,”if you want to make God laugh just tell him your plans.” I can hear him laughing now.
After being raped and having my first son, I must admit God knew better the plans He had for me. I gave birth to my first son and I fell in love in at first sight. It wasn’t an easy road but it was well worth the trials and tribulations I endured to give him life. I know it must sound crazy the words I am about to say but it is the truth. My grandmother, a woman I had never met due to breast cancer, came to visit the night we found out I was pregnant and she gave me confirmation that everything would be alright and she was also the one who revealed his gender.
He came in my life at just the right time although, I was very young I was more mature than most. I had helped my mother raise my niece and nephew for a while. I knew what was expected from me from this tiny person. Well, I thought this would be my only child but nine years later I thought I was in love again and I was pregnant again with my second son. When he was born I was going through a lot and my emotions were all over the place, he was premature and had to stay in the hospital awhile. He was my clarity that I was stronger than I gave myself credit for. As I stood by his side God kept me going by given me the strength to endure all the medical procedures he had to go through but he was a trooper. God provided me with everything I needed. He was finally ready to go home and God reassured me he was going to be just fine.
Four years later me and this same guy produced my third blessing. I delivered him alone with just my doctor and a nurse. He was born with this beautiful grayish tone from his heritage and I survived this too. He’s the one God sent when I doubted the joy in my heart. He’s the one that pushed all barriers. Our stay in the hospital was short because we were both healthy and thriving. My doctors and nurses was so loving and shocked at how well him and I were doing in such a short time.
Finally my fourth blessing arrived three years later and he would be the one to shake things up. He was born on time but had a few complications with his breathing. Just like his second brother he was hospitalized but his stay would be short because God would answer every healing prayer for him. My second son had a lot of tubes but he always yanked them out to prove how strong he was without them. Now my fourth son was just as strong but his doctor and nurses would find ways to prevent this so he would get the medication and things he needed. My most heartbreaking moment with him was when I saw his little iv in his little head. I prayed so hard over him as often as I could. During his stay in the hospital I was on the road constantly. I would get up at 7a drop two kids off at school and return home to spend two hours with the third and off to the hospital. I would leave around 2:30p to pick up one from school and spend time with him and see my third son to make sure they were fine and return to hospital by four and leave at six to pick oldest up from practice. Then back at the hospital and sit with the baby. This went on for five days, even though his doctors said 16 weeks God said not so. He progressed quickly through his treatments and God prepared him to be home in five days. I was not prepared materialistically but I was prepared to be his mom, because God had prepared me.
I have all boys and no girl. I wanted my last child to be a girl but God said no. I didn’t understand at first but now I do. I know that if God had blessed me to be a mother to a daughter she would have had a very sheltered life because I would have always been afraid of the world and certain family members robbing her of her innocence like me. She wouldn’t have been the little girl she needed to be because I would have feared the worse. That wasn’t the life she needed to grow into and I would have led her to that place. So I am thankful my God knew what was best for me.
Being a parent is not an easy task but we learn as we grow. If we keep God first He guides us in the way He wants us to go but we have to trust in His will for our lives. I had lost my faith on this whirlwind called life but I regained it by allowing God control over me once again. I am blessed to be a mom and to see my boys flourish in life. It has really humbled me and helped me regain my trust in God and all he has for me. My oldest is a graduate and he’s turned out to be an outstanding young man filled with life. My second son loves music and tapping but he is a bright young boy and he’s also an honor student now but it took some work to get him there. My third son is Mr. Logic, he knows the rules and wants everyone to follow them even if he has to break on of them. (lol) My fourth one is the goofiest of them all. He loves gospel music and he keeps us laughing. I am a single parent of four boys and although this is not the life I planned I am thankful God’s plans were better. He blessed me with each life just at the right time.
All my boys are high achievers, very funny, goofy and full of life. They love animals and always ready to explore this crazy and hectic world. They keep me going but it’s by the grace of God that they are here and I wouldn’t trade these moments for the world. I am always reminded of how much my God loves me and how he’s been there during every trial when I look at them. Even when times get tough and I can not see clearly they bring me back to reality. I am so thankful God loved me and his plans were better.