I’m the daughter of a King but I have laid with peasants. No I am not better than them but I have allowed them to use me and my body at their own free will. I have allowed them to touch me without even a prayer. I am a daughter of a King but I have disrespected my Father in every way.
I stepped off my pedestal for only a moment because society had robbed me of my innocence and I never reclaimed my throne. I sought love in man and left my father alone. I am ashamed of what I have done but this is a road I made for myself.
I am a daughter of a Kind, destined for greatness, wearing a crown of a Queen, yet I have traded it for artificial jewels society gave me. Now men have no respect for me because of the past I wear on my belt. I am a daughter of a King and yet I have lost my royalty.
I search this world looking for my BOAZ but I get lost in the words of simple man. One who doesn’t seek my Father nor asks for his Blessing to have his daughter’s hand because she has placed so little regards toward her father. I am but a lonely sheep lost from my shepard.
I’ve always held myself to high regards to be the one who saved myself for marriage and to honor my father’s words. I wanted to wait until I was stable in my life before experiencing dating. I held myself accountable to keep my morals and to declare my rightful place on my throne as God’s child but something distracted me from that. I was raped! After losing my innocence at the determination of another I sheltered myself from family, friends and those around me because I was at a lost in a jungle all alone. I didn’t know how to accept what had happened to me or what I was enduring. Fore, I felt God had let me down and left me here to fight in this world alone. I had no one to comfort me during this time nor anyone to truly care about how I was feeling. I was alone.
I cried out many nights asking God why but he never seemed to answer. Truth is I could no longer hear him because I had shut him out of my life out of anger and fear. I started trying to find my way alone. I told myself no man would ever love me because I was no longer a virgin. I was no longer the prize but now I was just a simple girl who was now disgusting in her own eyes. I started to put myself down, calling myself stupid, ugly and other cheap names and I hated the mirror’s reflection even more. I was bitter, angry, broken and disgusting and what man in his right mind would truly want me. That’s how I felt so after 3yrs of self abuse I decided I was no longer of any value to myself or worthy of a husband that God had made especially for me.
I threw down my crown a long time ago but now here I was looking for someone to love me but I didn’t love myself. Guys who I never quite looked at was now the ones I needed close. I needed to hear the kind words and the simplicity of something to make my day better. I felt like every guy that looked at me wanted something from me. Some thought because I had a child I was a easy target but some had good intentions. I fail for the liar who only wanted sex and those were the ones who always made me feel worst. I started compensating my heart for minor words.
Now my self esteem was at an all time low and I started asking myself what was I waiting on because God had already allowed me to be hurt, raped, forced, and abused so why care any more. The only difference was now I got to chose the ones I delivered myself to.I needed reassurance and I felt the only way to get it was from this world.
Today, I love me and the skin I am in. I am the Daughter of a King and I have replaced my crown. I walk proud and kneel before my Father and ask Him for forgiveness of the sins I have created. No, I am still not perfect but now I claim my victory. I am celibate and reconfirming my mark in life. I refuse to lay myself down with anyone who is not interested in marriage. I pray often and read His words for guidance into a better life. My crown has been batter but it was by my own account. It is a reminder of the road once traveled and a visual to greater things to come.
I am a Daughter of a King and I am standing in Favor and Destined for Greatness. My God has promised me so many great things but it took me failing him and finding the bottom to realize how precious I am. I am a Daughter of a King!